“So we call you when we have a mid-life crisis?”, a classmate asked during our recent high school reunion. That weekend I got lots of questions about what I do – specifically, coaching and retreats. I answered, “Yes and no”. When I think of a mid-life crisis, I see a balding, middle-aged man driving a bright red sports car with a young model sitting in the passenger seat. It gives trying too hard. It gives not accepting reality.

A crisis by definition is a turning point, a situation that has reached a critical phase. Traditionally, a mid-life crisis is about the existential turmoil of trying to hold on to one’s fleeting youth. It’s a time of seeking to figure out who you are at this stage of life and how to move forward into an uncertain future. I answered yes because I help women uncover who they are and what they want and empower them to create a strategy to move forward. But it is definitely not about loss. The unrest you feel is not a “mid-life” crisis. It is your soul crying out for change!

We build our lives around our jobs and our families. We define ourselves by the roles we occupy. As we mature, inevitably, those roles and responsibilities change. We get lost or feel a sense of crisis when the changes come because we don’t know who we are outside of the familiar roles we’ve occupied. We put ourselves in well-defined boxes and mistakenly think we are supposed to stay in them forever. 

Human beings are designed for evolution -- constant growth and development. You possess limitless potential, but we rarely give ourselves permission to explore the possibilities. Everything you need to become everything you were created to be is already inside of you. Your soul and your spirit know you are destined for more, so when it’s time to grow, they start expanding and your box gets uncomfortable. When this happens, you have two choices – ignore the growth and stay in the box that is now too small or venture outside of the box and allow the expansion to take place. 

If you choose to stay inside the box, eventually the growth will stop. Those parts of you will die and the box will be comfortable again. That’s the mediocre, good enough life most choose. But you are not most people. You don’t want to get to the end of your life and be full of regret. Get outside of the box, tap into your inner knowing, and GROW! Is it scary outside of the box? Yes.

Is it uncomfortable? Yes.

New things are always scary and uncomfortable at first. Anticipate the discomfort and embrace the fear. You are not in crisis, you are becoming!